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Make It Safe

What does it take to make it safe for a relationship to be safe-enough, so that we can open up and be intimate and trusting of one another?

make it safe hands Larry and Ras in hot tub

  1. Stay with me. Don’t go away or pull back when I share my truth.
  2. Give me space… honor my boundaries, physically and emotionally.
  3. Confidentiality–I need to know that whatever is shared doesn’t go beyond our conversation unless we agree that it is alright to do so.
  4. Don’t use what I share with you against me. Don’t bring it up sometime later as part of an attack or a punishment.
  5. Don’t reinforce the state I am in if it is an uncomfortable one, by blowing it up, adding witnesses to the truth that “there is something wrong with me”, bringing up past stuff or future negative consequences, etc. Don’t make it more than it is.
  6. Don’t try to fix, heal or convert me, unless I ask for it.
  7. Support me by communicating your caring without pity, patronization, fear, or condescension.
  8. Don’t minimize, degrade or trivialize my experience.
  9. Receive me without judgment. Don’t attack me or take my inventory.
  10. Don’t turn the attention back to yourself unless it feels like your story can add insight or support to what I am going through. Don’t project your stuff on to me.

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